I’ve been kinda feeling down lately.. Over what? I really don’t know.. Or maybe just, just maybe I’m not willing to deal with stuff and face up to things… I don’t even wanna talk, I sought solace in being by myself. I love my mornings now after I’ve sent Caitlyn to school. I get to just sit by myself and have my breakfast and watch the world go by in silence and just have random thoughts… Like handling my feelings, things that makes me unhappy (finding my reasoning for those things) and kinda just get myself to be ok about it. Sometimes when I’m really down I’ll go to somewhere not so busy cause I know that I’ll just end up crying. Honestly, I’m even afraid to say out that I’m unhappy cause then I’ll have everybody pressing me about it.. And I really don’t wanna talk. I really can’t put my finger on it. And maybe sometimes… It’s just things that I really can’t say coz it involves some other people or things that I’m just to embarrassed to say.
I don’t even remember when did I start feeling like this… I’m trying to find the starting line here but there is none.. It kinda just happened or maybe it was just build up overtime… Then I came to think about ‘Have I always been like this?’ and ‘How did I use to handle this?’
Ahh.. I know….
I use to just go shopping… that keeps me busy, walking in malls the whole day. But now that I can’t afford anything, it just got depressing for me.. I’m so screwed up. And I’m kinda angry at myself.
Just a couple of days ago, I was thinking of starting another blog which I can just write about anything that no one else know about… Somewhere I can just spill it all out so that I can just get it out of my system.. But really does it help? Will it work, like dumping rubbish? Is it that simple?
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Even she was laughing at Caitlyn… Our little princess was SO good we were actually out of the house in 20mins. That’s record time. In the car while I was driving us to there I could see that she was deep in thoughts and she was looking at her nails… Then suddenly she said to me,
Then I was running through my ‘To Do’ list in my head and remembered that she needed a new pair of swimming suit, and thought maybe we can drop by Adam’s kids as they are having a sale.
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